Everyday Gamer

Hi all. I Just wanted to jot down a quick update of what i’ve been up to. Basically, i’ve been playing games and this year, there seems to be a flood of great titles coming out for all of the systems. In the past 2 months alone, i’ve played great titles like Bioshock, Halo 3, Ratchet & Clank: Future, Heavenly Sword, The Orange Box, Metroid Prime 3 and Call of Duty 4 just to name a few. One thing i’ve come to realize though is how can one man afford to buy all of these titles? Well friends, feel free to use the following techniques of yours truly to rake in the cash and build up your dream collection of gaming gems.

1.) Trade in your old games: Seems pretty obvious but you can get a good headstart by recycling the games you no longer play. Besides, you’re going to need the room to store all of your new triple A titles.

2.) Sell Blood: You’d be surprised what a couple of pints can do to fatten up your bank account. Stop by every few days and buying the collector’s edition of Rock Band will be just a mere pittance to your bottom line. Hey, you don’t really need that much blood to survive and guess what? You can always make more.

3.) Parents: I myself would hate to do this but when you’re desperate for games, you’re desperate for games. Sometimes you just have to hit up the two people that brought you into this world. Visit them on the weekends and show them some love before you ask them for a “loan”. If they refuse, you can always remind them that they’re the ones who got you hooked on gaming in the first place by bringing home a Super Nintendo for Christmas. “Look Mom! You owe me!”

4.) Your significant other: Hey! You didn’t ask them to love you. Your heart comes with a price tag…games. So tell that special someone to ante up the goods if they want you to keep giving them the thrills. There are more than a few people willing to buy your affections with a copy of Mass Effect which brings me to my last point. If all else fails, you can always resort to…

5.) Man-Whoring: They don’t call it the world’s oldest profession for nothing. Spending a few nights with the lovelorn can earn you some quick cash in a flash. You may not like some of your clientele but think of it this way. You’re only a mattress hop away from bringing home the Halo 3 Legendary Edition set. Sure she may have a little too much hair on her back or maybe she’s just not as hot anymore now that she’s getting Social Security but she pays in spades for a job well done. So suck it up and get in there, soldier.

By using these tips and a little common sense, you too can be well on your way to getting each and every holiday title under the tree this year. When it comes to getting your game on, you’ve got to do what you gotta do. Sure some may hate you for using these tactics but you can brush them off with a smile as you play Kane and Lynch while they take on a second job just to get half of the games you have. Gaming’s easy. Doing it in style, that’s the hard part. Until next time, good luck and good gaming.

Disclaimer: The above article is satire. It does not reflect the views and opinions of the staff at Everyday gamer. At no time should you go man-whoring unless it’s to get that sweet 50 inch plasma tv and 7.1 surround sound. You really can’t go wrong with that set-up. And Hey! you should donate blood anyway. I might need it after the beating I expect to receive for buggin’ my parents about a game. Man! What was I thinking.